Why Rory Gilmore’s downfall was realistic and necessary
We need to stop pretending it wasn’t
If I had a dollar for every time someone compared me to Rory Gilmore, whether that be through apparently close physical resemblance (to which I disagree, but thank you), interests (i.e., writing, love of coffee, closeness to our mothers) and drive and dedication, I would be able to pay off my student loans comfortably and move to a quaint, quiet little town in the U.K.
Gilmore girls came out in the year 2000. Born in 2003, I was a little late to the party and began watching the show in the year 2021. I almost hated how closely aligned the plot was to my own life. Much like Rory, I also had dreams of going to an amazing university, had a very close relationship with my mother, eerily similar timelines with relationships and boyfriends, and even a strong passion for journalism and writing. The show was almost painful to watch during a sensitive and transformative time in my life. I felt as though I was watching my life play out on a popular TV sitcom series.
Weird.
After taking a break and returning to the show in 2022, I felt a sense of connection to Rory Gilmore more than ever before. We were both accepted into our top choice schools, and chose to attend a school we had not otherwise considered. Much of her large decisions slightly mirrored mine and I felt beyond intrigued to relate to a character as much as I did.
As the series progressed, my fondness of Rory Gilmore began slipping. Contentment was replaced with disgust and I began cringing when anyone compared me to her.
I did not want to be Rory Gilmore.
Upon graduating college and navigating the similar issues Rory and I faced in our late-teen years, I began reflecting on Rory Gilmore’s character and her decision-making. The Gilmore girls fandom, for the most part, subscribes to the idea that Rory Gilmore becomes “cringe” and “annoying” in the later seasons, or in the “during/post-Yale” era.
And I couldn’t agree more… But I almost want to cut her some slack and give her some grace on this matter. Rory Gilmore’s downfall was realistic, necessary, and uniform for teenagers and young adults navigating life. Society just hates the idea of seeing a TV show character relate that strongly to their own lives and poor decision-making. I chop Rory Gilmore’s downfall up to two main reasons: Rory’s exposure to the wealthy Gilmore lifestyle, and her consistent ego-boosts she receives from the citizens of Stars Hollow.
1. Rory Gilmore’s exposure to the “Gilmore” lifestyle
For those who have not watched Gilmore girls, Rory was raised by her mother, Lorelai Gilmore. Lorelai had Rory at the age of sixteen and moved out of her parents’ home to provide a better life for Rory. To Lorelai, a “better life” wasn’t the wealthy, privileged lifestyle revolving around status the Gilmores’ had and were used to, but rather a home filled with what Lorelai viewed as authenticity, reliability, fun and room for mistakes. Lorelai moved her and Rory to a small town called Stars Hollow, where she began work at an inn called the Independence Inn. She eventually climbed the latter and became the manager of the inn. All the while Lorelai was navigating life as a teenager while raising a child, Lorelai evidently provided Rory with as stable of a life as possible.
Graduating from a private college preparatory school, Rory was valedictorian, granting her the ability to give a speech for the graduation ceremony. In the graduation speech, Rory provides a tribute to her mother by saying, “My mother never gave me any idea that I couldn’t do whatever I wanted to do or be whomever I wanted to be. She filled our house with love and fun and books and music, unflagging in her efforts to give me role models from Jane Austen to Eudora Welty to Patti Smith. As she guided me through these incredible eighteen years, I don’t know if she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her”.
Throughout the series, it’s apparent that Rory loves her mother profusely, and Lorelai gave up everything she had to provide for Rory. At the age of 16, she was admitted to the private college preparatory school with an upfront heavy tuition cost Lorelai could not pay. Contacting her parents for the first time in years, Lorelai and Rory became subject to “Friday night dinners” as a stipulation for paying for Rory’s schooling.
The further the series progresses, we slowly watch Rory fall into the lavish lifestyle the Gilmores’ encompass, embodying the complete inverse of how Lorelai raised her to be: Everything Lorelai fought so hard against.
2. Everyone in her life enabled her and combed her ego every chance they got
Rory Gilmore was the “model student”, achieving straight A’s, demonstrating perfect attendance and nearly angelic behavior in the classroom. She was the star of Stars Hollow; always receiving recognition through her otherwise mundane actions of just being a quiet, intelligent child.
When Rory and Dean broke up for the first time, the vast majority of the town of Stars Hollow rallied behind Rory in support of her, as though Dean did something tremendously wrong. I don’t think the citizens of Stars Hollow would be thrilled to learn Rory cheated on Dean with Jess. When Rory slept with a married Dean in the later seasons, the town still somehow found a way to make it thoroughly Dean’s fault, rather than equally split the blame of both Rory and Dean committing infidelity.
Eventually, after Rory drops out of Yale University, moves into her grandparents’ poolhouse and adopts a toxic, wealth-oriented mindset, the citizens of Stars Hollow slowly stop seeing the once innocent, kind and reserved Rory Gilmore that we once saw as well. That persona was replaced with a selfish, snobbish, reckless individual. She acts out of character and much unlike the girl they once knew, the citizens of Stars Hollow begin to act stiff around this “new” Rory. Eventually, Rory grows a bit out of her reckless-era and begins to find herself again (Until Netflix’s A Year in the Life)
Although Rory’s decisions were absolutely cringe-worthy and awful, it sheds an uncomfortable light on the difficulty adolescence has on adjusting and acclimating to the “real world”. Rory made stupid decisions (i.e., sleeping with a married man, stealing a yacht, not speaking to her mother for nearly a year) that were awfully out of character. The uncomfortable truth is that most young adults do make stupid decisions (hopefully not illegal decisions).
In A Year in the Life, a Netflix adaptation of a sequel to Gilmore girls, Rory and Lorelai are ten years older, and navigate their relationship and lives as full-grown adults. Rory is still making awful decisions (i.e., sleeping with an engaged man, forgetting she had a boyfriend), and Lorelai and Luke are seeking fertility treatments.
Adulthood and growth are common themes out of these two series, and for fans to completely hate on Rory Gilmore is a very closed-minded approach. I do not condone the illegal (though, fictional) actions of Rory, but it’s about time we recognize that she was 17-23 and was trying to figure out who she was after two decades of being recognized as one very specific type of individual.